Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright's got some great, funny one-liners. Here are a few of my favorites.

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."

"I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it."

"My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band.""