Odd California Laws

• Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
• Bathhouses are against the law.
• It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
• Women may not drive in a house coat.
• No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
• Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
• In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.

San Francisco Laws
• Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
• It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
• Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
• It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

Funny Sports Related Quotes

Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)

Athletes and those in the sports world really know a thing or two about entertaining others.

Rare Black Swan Loves Boat

Swan falls for paddle boat

(Quoted from its source): A rare black swan has fallen in love with a plastic swan paddle boat for hire on a German lake.

According to biologists, the Black Australian Swan is showing all the typical signs of love - circling its plastic lover, staring endlessly at it and making crooning noises.

Both boat and swan live on the Aasee lake in Muenster, north-western Germany.

The boat, a large white plastic peddalo designed to look like a swan, is hired out to families who want to picnic on the lake.

When the striking looking swan arrived at the lake a few months ago it instantly became a local attraction and now that it has fallen in love with the boat it has become a major star - with souvenir shops selling t-shirts, snow globes and key rings depicting the star-crossed lovers.

But locals say tourists are now nervous about hiring that particular boat thanks to its ever vigilant admirer.

And yacht school owner Peter Overschmidt complained: "When I sail too close to the peddalo, the black bird puffs up its feathers and hoots at me."

Biologist Dirk Wewers from the local Allwetter Zoo said: "This behaviour proves that the swan has built an attachment with the peddle boat."

And biologists are worried that because swans are monogamous, this one will waste its life pining away for its plastic lover.

Expert Andrea Klein says they are worried what will happen when the boat is locked away for the winter but they are relatively confident the swan will recover.

Source: Ananova

2 Doctor Jokes

"Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can’t pay that before the end of the month!"

"Okay, you have six months to live."

--------------------------------------------------

This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Burglars Are Very Very Afraid

Burglars get severed heads shock

(Quoted from its source): VIENNA (Reuters) - Burglars in Vienna opted for a speedy getaway after they found eight severed human heads when breaking into the basement of an apartment building, Austrian police said Friday.

A dentist had stored the mummified heads, which he used for research, in a chest in the basement. Burglars stumbled upon the collection when they broke in, police said.

"The burglars were looking for loot when they discovered the heads," said a spokeswoman for Austrian police. "From what it looks like, they just left them lying and bolted away."

Austrian authorities said they were investigating whether there had been a breach of the regulations for storing research materials.

Source: Reuters

Moose Meets College

Moose Drops By NMU

(Quoted from its source): Some NMU students got an unexpected close-up look at wildlife Tuesday night.

A bull moose paid a visit to the campus.

Police chased the moose at around 7:30 pm, and the moose subsequently plowed into the window of a laundry room at Magers Dorm before finally leaving the campus.

"Yeah, I was sitting on my bed studying for a bio test," said student Kendra Meyer, "and all of a sudden, I heard this big shattering, and actually one of my suitemate's mirrors fell down off the wall. I looked outside and there's this big brown creature running by and then people started running down the hall, and they're like, 'There's a moose outside! There's a moose!'"

No one was injured, including the moose, who disappeared into parts unknown.

Source: WLUC

Dentures Can Get You Into Trouble

False teeth snare robber

(Quoted from its source): An Argentinian robber was caught after he lost his false teeth during a raid on a house.

Juan Navarro, from Cordoba, saw one of the three masked men who held him up lose his dentures, reports Terra Noticias Populares.

In his hurry to escape with jewelley and cash, the robber left the false teeth behind and Mr Navarro handed them over to the police.

Two days after the robbery, Mr Navarro noticed his own nephew suddenely seemed to have lost his teeth.

A police spokesman said: "Mr Navarro came straight to us and we had the denture analysed. It turns out it belongs to his nephew.

"What a funny thing to happen. Caught by a denture! Unbelievable!"

Source: Ananova

It's great to see robbers fail miserably like that.

The Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Buy A Hummer

I figured that it is rather unfair that people are always complaining about Hummers. So I decided to look at the other side of the argument and see exactly why people actually buy the vehicle. Here's my (somewhat humorous) attempt to come up with five reasons why people, just like yourself, should buy a Hummer.

1. Gangsta Rappers Like It
If you're a fan of gangsta rap, than you probably know that the Hummer is considered an icon for high status. Although I don't think this is the main reason why Hummers sell as well as they do, I suppose a few owners who listen to gangsta rap bought the vehicle because they recognized the Hummer as something that would increase their status in society. Two examples of songs that show Hummers in a positive light include:

"Thoia Thoing" by R. Kelly (although I hardly would describe him as gangsta rap)
Now we're up in the Hummer V
she's so hot, she's kissing on me

"Thug Motivation 101" by Young Jeezy
Took what the streets gave me, product in my environment (ay)
Now it's 28 inches on the brand new Hummer (Hummer)

Clearly some fans must be touched by these lyrics and decide they should get a Hummer as well.

2. Hummers Will Restore Your Manhood
According to a Hummer advertisement, you are able to "restore your manhood" if you purchase a Hummer. Although the ad was later revised to say "restore the balance" instead, they wouldn't have said "restore your manhood" first unless they meant it. Perhaps you're feeling weak or are not self-confident? Well, apparently if you buy a Hummer you'll become all better.

3. You Can Piss Other People Off
It's very well known that many people are against the Hummer for various reasons. Either way, if you're the kind of person that loves to make other people's blood boil, why don't you pick up a Hummer. Surely the price of an H3, approximately $30,000, is worth the price of making others hate you. While other Americans hate you for it, you'll be too busy laughing at them to notice.

4. Get Rid of Oil Faster
So these days everybody's looking for alternative fuel. While some are getting angry at Hummer owners for their gas-guzzling vehicles, perhaps they should be praising them for actually doing something that possibly benefits society. As Hummers continue to use up the Earth's resources, people will be forced to jump to new and improved alternative fuels sooner.

5. The Hummer Is Known to Be Loud
While some may dislike the fact that it's loud, it can actually be an advantage when driving. For example, if the guy in his sissy little car next to you is listening to music loudly, you might not even notice it due to the noise the Hummer makes. Of course you would barely be able to hear the music you're playing, but you must remember that you're going to be too busy laughing at everybody else to even notice.

Everybody you should buy the best vehicle available to civilians. Gangsta rappers will like you and your manhood will finally be restored. Other people will hate you, but you'll be improving society by getting rid of oil faster. You'll never have to worry about outside noises such as a baby crying, loud music, or a police car's sirens. So what are you waiting for? Go buy a Hummer today!

Kids, Whales, and Jonah (Joke)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human and that it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

29 Year Old Passes As A Toddler

Could you pass as a toddler?

(Quoted from its source): A businessman flew from Britain to Amsterdam on his two-year-old daughter's passpart.

Mark Coshever, 29, was allowed through airport security and on to a plane after picking up the wrong passport at home.

He did not realise the mistake until his easyJet flight from Luton touched down at Amsterdam, reports the Mirror.

Mark, 29, said: "I was shocked that I could fly to a major international airport on a child's passport."

Airline staff had twice examined his passport and failed to notice the photo was that of toddler Alicia.

Mark, from Rayleigh, Essex, added: "Fortunately I had my driving licence, which has my photo."

A spokesman for easyJet said: "Staff misread Mr Coshever's passport and have been disciplined."

Source: Ananova

Funny Littering Sign

It's likely the most effective littering sign I've ever seen!

Computer Decides Term Sentences

(Quoted from its source): A Chinese court has been criticised for using a computer program to help decide prison sentences.

The Zichuan District People's Court has reportedly used the software in more than 1,500 criminal cases.

The program, created by a Beijing-based company, covers about 100 different crimes including robbery, rape, murder and crimes against the state.

The judge enters details of a case and the system produces a sentence, reports the South China Morning Post.

The software's developer, Qin Ye, was quoted as saying: "The software is aimed at ensuring standardised decisions on prison terms.

"Our programs set standard terms for any subtle distinctions in different cases of the same crime."

The court's Chief Judge, Wang Hongmei, said: "The software can avoid abuse of discretionary power of judges as a result of corruption or insufficient training."

But the move has been criticised by a section of the Chinese media as a farce that highlighted the "laziness of the court".

Source: Ananova

Note: Furby is not what they really use.

Cool Dog

Don't you sometimes just wish you were a house dog and got to lounge around all day? Everybody loves you and you get free food. That must be the life.

Fish Gets Cosmetic Surgery

(Quoted from its source): A goldfish at a top museum has undergone cosmetic surgery - after visitors complained it was too ugly.

The fish, at the Royal Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh, had an "unsightly" growth on its face, reports the Scotsman.

Although the fish showed no signs of stress, scientists decided it should undergo surgery to remove the lump.

A spokeswoman for the museum said the fish's eye had to be removed along with the lump.

She said the operation had been paid for from the coins people throw into the pond, but she wouldn't confirm how many complaints the museum received about the fish.

However, a source told the paper: "People were saying: "'One of your fish has an unsightly growth coming out from its head." They went to the reception desk saying: "You've got an ill fish there"."

Source: Ananova

I don't know what's sadder... the fact that people complained about the fish's looks, or that the museum actually went through with it and gave the fish cosmetic surgery. Of course the "unsightly" lump is now gone, but now the fish is also missing an eye...

Zuiikin English Also Teaches Insults

Hasta La Vista: Zuiikin English



These actors have to talk extremely clearly to make sure that the Japanese audience learns their insults. I think you can see the first guy trying to hold back his smile a little. I'd imagine it's pretty hard to say a "Yo Momma" joke that slowly knowing that people all over Japan will be learning it as well. 30 seconds of pure genius.

Learn English While Exercising!

Zuiikin Gals: 宮沢麻衣子・斉藤レイ子・稲吉貴子



Zuiikin English is some morning show in Japan in which its viewers are encouraged to exercise while learning English. Although that's a rather humourous idea, the phrases that they learn while exercising really make it worth watching. Be careful though, as the music/phrases can get stuck in your head.

Apache Disco

Apache Disco



This disco version of Apache, a popular 1960 instrumental song by The Shadows, is simply amazing. It was made in 1977 by The Tommy Seebach Band and they have just about the coolest keyboardist ever.

Nice Car Paint Jobs

I thought these were pretty clever paint jobs. Of course these paint jobs probably wouldn't make any sense besides from the angles they're being shown at here, but nobody would pay that much attention to it... right?

Poodle Fitness

This is perhaps the most bizarre video I have ever found on YouTube. It's also one of the most funniest.

How many of the Seven Dwarfs can you name? What about Supreme Court Justices?

(Quoted from its source): Three-quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of Snow White's seven dwarfs while only a quarter can name two U.S. Supreme Court Justices, according to a poll on pop culture released on Monday.

According to the poll by Zogby International, commissioned by the makers of a new game show on pop culture called "Gold Rush," 57 percent of Americans could identify J.K. Rowling's fictional boy wizard as Harry Potter, while only 50 percent could name the British prime minister, Tony Blair.

The pollsters spoke to 1,213 people across the United States. The results had a margin of error of 2.9 percentage points.

Just over 60 percent of respondents were able to name Bart as Homer's son on the television show "The Simpsons," while only 20.5 percent were able to name one of the ancient Greek poet Homer's epic poems, "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey."

Asked what planet Superman was from, 60 percent named the fictional planet Krypton, while only 37 percent knew that Mercury is the planet closest to the sun.

Respondents were far more familiar with the Three Stooges — Larry, Curly and Moe — than the three branches of the U.S. government — judicial, executive and legislative. Seventy-four percent identified the former, 42 percent the latter.

Twice as many people (23 percent) were able to identify the most recent winner of the television talent show "American Idol," Taylor Hicks, as were able to name the Supreme Court Justice confirmed in January 2006, Samuel Alito (11 percent).

Reuters/VNU

Source: ABC News

These kinds of polls are the best.

The Award-Winning Sheep Poo Paper

(Quoted from its source): Gardeners know it is ideal for making compost but now a company in Snowdonia has won an award for being even more innovative with sheep droppings.

Creative Paper Wales has produced greetings cards and gifts made from the by-products of its woolly neighbours.

Its Sheep Poo Paper products have won a £20,000 Millennium Award for "social entrepreneurship".

After the sheep droppings are collected, they are sterilised, washed and mixed with other recycled paper.

This is then turned into the finished paper and cardboard while the washing water is distributed to local growers as concentrated fertiliser.

Founders Lawrence Toms, 38, from Rhondda and Lez Paylor, 38, from Caerphilly, said they had been keen to develop an idea which would create a manufacturing company which would be uniquely Welsh and could produce a product that foreign imports could not compete with.

They also wanted to set up a low-tech company with minimal capital which was also environmentally friendly.

Charity

The company was recommended for the Millennium Award by a former winner.

Mr Toms said: "We were delighted because it enabled the project. £20,000 isn't a very large amount of money [in business terms] but we were keen to prove that it was possible."

The company's plant at a former quarry building at Aberllefenni near the Centre for Alternative Technology near Machynlleth will be able to produce one to two tonnes of paper a year.

The award was made by UnLtd, a charity which supports social entrepeneurship.

Source: BBC News

I don't think I need to add anything to that. Simply amazing.

Technorati Profile

Neat Cup

A rather pointless cup, but you can't deny the cleverness of it. I wonder if it comes in different sizes.

Popsicle Stick Joke # 4

Another one of my favorite type of popsicle stick jokes are ones that deal with professions and their children. Here are two of my favorites of this kind:

What did the painter name his son?
Art.

What did the cook name his son?
Stu.

So dry, yet oh so amusing.

Popsicle Stick Joke # 3

Dog jokes can be pretty funny too, especially due to the sometimes unusual names that some breeds have. Here's one popsicle stick joke relating to dogs:

Who does a dog quarterback throw to?

A labrador receiver.


Another one I heard relates to Laika (also known as Kudryavka). The dog was the very first dog sent into space and she is pretty famous for it. Unfortunately, the dog died up in space and kind of became a martyr when it came to space exploration. It's actually a really sad story, but the dog's legend lives on. Here's the joke I heard, which I'm pretty sure is meant to be lighthearted. If it wasn't, I would take some offense to it, with Laika being one of my heroes and all. Here it is:

What's it like being the first dog in space?

Ruff.

See you space cowboy (or cowgirl).

Popsicle Stick Joke # 2

I actually like this popsicle stick joke more than #1.

What do you call a really funny snake?

Hiss-terical.